LIBER DCCCXI ~ ENERGIZED ENTHUSIASM ~ ALEISTER CROWLEY ~ BOOK 811
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IAO the supreme one of the gnostics the true god is the lord of this work let us therefore invoke him by that name which the companions of the royal arch blaspheme to aid us in the essay to declare the means which he has bestowed upon us the divine consciousness which is reflected and refracted in the works of genius feeds upon a certain secretion as I believe this secretion is analogous to semen but not identical with it there are but few men and fewer women those women being invariably androgyne who possess it at any time in any quantity so closely is this secretion connected with the sexual economy that it appears to me at times as if it might be a by-product of that process which generates semen that some form of this doctrine has been generally accepted is shown in the prohibitions of all religions sanctity has been assumed to depend on chastity and chastity has nearly always been interpreted as abstinence but I doubt whether the relation is so simple as this would imply for example I find in myself that manifestations of mental creative force always concur with some abnormal condition of the physical powers of generation but it is not the case that long periods of chastity on the one hand or excess of orgies on the other are favourable to its manifestation or even to its formation. I know myself and in me it is extremely strong its results are astounding for example I wrote tannhauser complete from conception to execution in sixty-seven consecutive hours I was unconscious of the fall of nights and days even after stopping nor was there any reaction of fatigue this work was written when I was twenty-four years old immediately on the completion of an orgie which would normally have tired me out often and often have I noticed that sexual satisfaction so-called has left me dissatisfied and unfatigued and let loose the floods of verse which have disgraced my career yet on the contrary a period of chastity has sometimes fortified me for a great outburst this is far from being invariably the case at the conclusion of the K2 expedition after five months of chastity I did no work whatever barring very few odd lyrics for months afterwards I may mention the year 1911 at this time I was living in excellent good health with the woman whom I loved her health was however variable and we were both constantly worried the weather was continuously fine and hot for a period of about three months I hardly missed a morning always on waking I burst out with a new idea which had to be written down the total energy of my being was very high my weight was 10 stone 8 lb which had been my fighting weight when I was ten years younger we walked some twenty miles daily through hilly forest the actual amount of MSS written at this time is astounding their variety is even more so of their excellence I will not speak here is a rough list from memory it is far from exhaustive: (1) some dozen books of A∴ A∴ instruction including liber astarte and the temple of solomon the king for equinox VII (2) short stories: the woodcutter - his secret sin (3) plays: his majesty's fiddler - elder eel -- adonis - the ghouls - written straight off one after the other -- mortadello (4) poems: the sevenfold sacrament - a birthday (5) fundamentals of the greek qabalah involving the collection and analysis of several thousand words I think this phenomenon is unique in the history of literature I may further refer to my second journey to algeria where my sexual life though fairly full had been unsatisfactory on quitting biskra I was so full of ideas that I had to get off the train at el-kantara where I wrote the scorpion five or six poems were written on the way to paris the ordeal of ida pendragon during my twenty-four hours' stay in paris and snowstorm and the electric silence immediately on my return to england to sum up I can always trace a connection between my sexual condition and the condition of artistic creation which is so close as to approach identity and yet so loose that I cannot predicate a single important proposition it is these considerations which give me pain when I am reproached by the ignorant with wishing to produce genius mechanically I may fail but my failure is a thousand times greater than their utmost success I shall therefore base my remarks not so much on the observations which I have myself made and the experiments which I have tried as on the accepted classical methods of producing that energized enthusiasm which is the lever that moves god.
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The greeks say that there are three methods of discharging the genial secretion of which I have spoken they thought perhaps that their methods tended to secrete it but this I do not believe altogether or without a qualm for the manifestation of force implies force and this force must have come from somewhere easier I find it to say subconsciousness and secretion than to postulate an external reservoir to extend my connotation of man than to invent god however parsimony apart I find it in my experience that it is useless to flog a tired horse there are times when I am absolutely bereft of even one drop of this elixir nothing will restore it neither rest in bed nor drugs nor exercise on the other hand sometimes when after a severe spell of work I have been dropping with physical fatigue perhaps sprawling on the floor too tired to move hand or foot the occurrence of an idea has restored me to perfect intensity of energy and the working out of the idea has actually got rid of the aforesaid physical fatigue although it involved a great additional labour exactly parallel nowhere meeting is the case of mania a madman may struggle against six trained athletes for hours and show no sign of fatigue then he will suddenly collapse but at a second's notice from the irritable idea will resume the struggle as fresh as ever until we discovered unconscious muscular action and its effects it was rational to suppose such a man possessed of a devil and the difference between the madman and the genius is not in the quantity but in the quality of their work genius is organized madness chaotic often the organization of genius is on original lines and ill-balanced and ignorant medicine-men mistake it for disorder time has shown that whistler and gauguin kept rules as well as the masters whom they were supposed to be upsetting the greeks say that there are three methods of discharging the lyden jar of genius these three methods they assign to three gods these three gods are dionysus apollo aphrodite in english wine woman and song now it would be a great mistake to imagine that the greeks were recommending a visit to a brothel as well condemn the high mass at st. peter's on the strength of having witnessed a protestant revival meeting disorder is always a parody of order because there is no archetypal disorder that it might resemble owen seaman can parody a poet nobody can parody owen seaman a critic is a bundle of impressions there is no ego behind it all photographs are essentially alike the works of all good painters essentially differ some writers suppose that in the ancient rites of eleusis the high priest publicly copulated with the high priestess were this so it would be no more indecent than it is blasphemous for the priest to make bread and wine into the body and blood of god true the protestants say that it is blasphemous but a protestant is one to whom all things sacred are profane whose mind being all filth can see nothing in the sexual act but a crime or a jest whose only facial gestures are the sneer and the leer protestantism is the excrement of human thought and accordingly in protestant countries art if it exist at all only exists to revolt let us return from this unsavoury allusion to our consideration of the methods of the greeks agree then that it does not follow from the fact that wine woman and song make the sailor's tavern that these ingredients must necessarily concoct a hell-broth there are some people so simple as to think that when they have proved the religious instinct to be a mere efflorescence of the sex-instinct they have destroyed religion we should rather consider that the sailor's tavern gives him his only glimpse of heaven just as the destructive criticism of the phallicists has only proved sex to be a sacrament consciousness says the materialist axe in hand is a function of the brain he has only re-formulated the old saying your bodies are the temples of the holy ghost now sex is justly hallowed in this sense that it is the eternal fire of the race huxley admitted that some of the lower animalculae are in a sense immortal because they go on reproducing eternally by fission and however often you divide x by 2 there is always something left but he never seems to have seen that mankind is immortal in exactly the same sense and goes on reproducing itself with similar characteristics through the ages changed by circumstance indeed but always identical in itself but the spiritual flower of this process is that at the moment of discharge a physical ecstasy occurs a spasm analogous to the mental spasm which meditation gives and further in the sacramental and ceremonial use of the sexual act the divine consciousness may be attained.
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The sexual act being then a sacrament it remains to consider in what respect this limits the employment of the organs first it is obviously legitimate to employ them for their natural physical purpose but if it be allowable to use them ceremonially for a religious purpose we shall find the act hedged about with many restrictions for in this case the organs become holy it matters little to mere propagation that men should be vicious the most debauched roue might and almost certainly would beget more healthy children than a semi-sexed prude so the so-called moral restraints are not based on reason thus they are neglected but admit its religious function and one may at once lay down that the act must not be profaned it must not be undertaken lightly and foolishly without excuse it may be undertaken for the direct object of continuing the race it may be undertaken in obedience to real passion for passion as the name implies is rather inspired by a force of divine strength and beauty without the will of the individual often even against it it is the casual or habitual what christ called idle use or rather abuse of these forces which constitutes their profanation it will further be obvious that if the act in itself is to be the sacrament in a religious ceremony this act must be accomplished solely for the love of god all personal considerations must be banished utterly just as any priest can perform the miracle of transubstantiation so can any man possessing the necessary qualifications perform this other miracle whose nature must form the subject of a subsequent discussion personal aims being destroyed it is a fortiori necessary to neglect social and other similar considerations physical strength and beauty are necessary and desirable for aesthetic reasons the attention of the worshippers being liable to distraction if the celebrants are ugly deformed or incompetent I need hardly emphasize the necessity for the strictest self-control and concentration on their part as it would be blasphemy to enjoy the gross taste of the wine of the sacrament so must the celebrant suppress even the minutest manifestation of animal pleasure of the qualifying tests there is no necessity to speak it is sufficient to say that the adepts have always known how to secure efficiency needless also to insist on a similar quality in the assistants the sexual excitement must be suppressed and transformed into its religious equivalent with these preliminaries settle in order to guard against foreseen criticisms of those protestants who god having made them a little lower than the angels have made themselves a great deal lower than the beasts by their consistently bestial interpretation of all things human and divine we may consider first the triune nature of these ancient methods of energizing enthusiasm music has two parts tone or pitch and rhythm the latter quality associates it with the dance and that part of dancing which is not rhythm is sex now that part of sex which is not a form of the dance animal movement is intoxication of the soul which connects it with wine further identities will suggest themselves to the student by the use of the three methods in one the whole being of man may thus be stimulated the music will create a general harmony of the brain leading it in its own paths the wine affords a general stimulus of the animal nature and the sex-excitement elevates the moral nature of the man by its close analogy with the highest ecstasy it remains however always for him to make the final transmutation unless he have the special secretion which I have postulated the result will be commonplace so consonant is this system with the nature of man that it is exactly parodied and profaned not only in the sailor's tavern but in the society ball here for the lowest natures the result is drunkenness disease and death for the middle natures a gradual blunting of the finer feelings for the higher an exhilaration amounting at the best to the foundation of a life-long love if these society rites are properly performed there should be no exhaustion after a ball one should feel the need of a long walk in the young morning air the weariness or boredom the headache or somnolence are nature's warnings.
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Now the purpose of such a ball the moral attitude on entering seems to me to be of supreme importance if you go with the idea of killing time you are rather killing yourself baudelaire speaks of the first period of love when the boy kisses the trees of the wood rather than kiss nothing at the age of thirty-six I found myself at pompeii passionately kissing that great grave statue of a woman that stands in the avenue of the tombs even now as I wake in the morning I sometimes fall to kissing my own arms it is with such a feeling that one should go to a ball and with such a feeling intensified purified and exalted that one should leave it if this be so how much more if one go with the direct religious purpose burning in one's whole being beethoven roaring at the sunrise is no strange spectacle to me who shout with joy and wonder when I understand without which one cannot really be said ever to see a blade of grass I fall upon my knees in speechless adoration at the moon I hide my eyes in holy awe from a good van gogh imagine then a ball in which the music is the choir celestial the wine the wine of the graal or that of the sabbath of the adepts and one's partner the infinite and eternal one the true and living god most high go even to a common ball the moulin de la galette will serve even the least of my magicians with your whole soul aflame within you and your whole will concentrated on these transubstantiations and tell me what miracle takes place it is the hate of the distaste for life that sends one to the ball when one is old when one is young one is on springs until the hour falls but the love of god which is the only true love diminishes not with age it grows deeper and intenser with every satisfaction it seems as if in the noblest men this secretion constantly increases which certainly suggests an external reservoir so that age loses all its bitterness we find brother lawrence nicholas herman of lorraine at the age of eighty in continuous enjoyment of union with god buddha at an equal age would run up and down the eight high trances like an acrobat on a ladder stories not too dissimilar are told of bishop berkeley many persons have not attained union at all until middle age and then have rarely lost it it is true that genius in the ordinary sense of the word has nearly always showed itself in the young perhaps we should regard such cases as nicholas herman as cases of acquired genius now I am certainly of opinion that genius can be acquired or in the alternative that it is an almost universal possession its rarity may be attributed to the crushing influence of a corrupted society it is rare to meet a youth without high ideals generous thoughts a sense of holiness of his own importance which being interpreted is of his own identity with god three years in the world and he is a bank clerk or even a government official only those who intuitively understand from early boyhood that they must stand out and who have the incredible courage and endurance to do so in the face of all that tyranny callousness and the scorn of inferiors can do only these arrive at manhood uncontaminated every serious or spiritual thought is made a jest poets are thought soft and cowardly apparently because they are the only boys with a will of their own and courage to hold out against the whole school boys and masters in league as once were pilate and herod honour is replaced by expediency holiness by hypocrisy even where we find thoroughly good seed sprouting in favourable ground too often is there a frittering away of the forces facile encouragement of a poet or painter is far worse for him than any amount of opposition here again the sex question S.Q. so-called by tolstoyans chastity-mongers nut-fooders and such who talk and think of nothing else intrudes its horrid head I believe that every boy is originally conscious of sex as sacred but he does not know what it is with infinite diffidence he asks the master replies with holy horror the boy with a low leer a furtive laugh perhaps worse I am inclined to agree with the head master of eton that paederastic passions among schoolboys do no harm further I think them the only redeeming feature of sexual life at public schools the hindoos are wiser at the well-watched hour of puberty the boy is prepared as for a sacrament he is led to a duly consecrated temple and there by a wise and holy woman skilled in the art and devoted to this end he is initiated with all solemnity into the mystery of life the act is thus declared religious sacred impersonal utterly apart from amorism and eroticism and animalism and sentimentalism and all the other vilenesses that protestantism has made of it the catholic church did I believe to some extent preserve the pagan tradition marriage is a sacrament of course there has been a school of devilish ananders that has held the act in itself to be wicked of such blasphemers of nature let no further word be said but in the attempt to deprive the act of all accretions which would profane it the fathers of the church added in spite of themselves other accretions which profaned it more they tied it to property and inheritance they wished it to serve both god and mammon rightly restraining the priest who should employ his whole energy in the miracle of the mass they found their counsel a counsel of perfection the magical tradition was in part lost the priest could not do what was expected of him and the unexpended portion of his energy turned sour hence the thoughts of priests like the thoughts of modern faddists revolved eternally around the S.Q. a special and secret mass a mass of the holy ghost a mass of the mystery of the incarnation to be performed at stated intervals might have saved both monks and nuns and given the church eternal dominion of the world.
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To return the rarity of genius is in great part due to the destruction of its young even as in physical life that is a favoured plant one of whose thousand seeds ever shoots forth a blade so do conditions kill all but the strongest sons of genius but just as rabbits increased apace in australia where even a missionary has been known to beget ninety children in two years so shall we be able to breed genius if we can find the conditions which hamper it and remove them the obvious practical step to take is to restore the rites of bacchus aphrodite and apollo to their proper place they should not be open to every one and manhood should be the reward of ordeal and initiation the physical tests should be severe and weaklings should be killed out rather than artificially preserved the same remark applies to intellectual tests but such tests should be as wide as possible I was an absolute duffer at school in all forms of athletics and games because I despised them I held and still hold numerous mountaineering world's records similarly examinations fail to test intelligence cecil rhodes refused to employ any man with a university degree that such degrees lead to honour in england is a sign of england's decay though even in england they are usually the stepping-stones to clerical idleness or pedagogic slavery such is a dotted outline of the picture that I wish to draw if the power to possess property depended on a man's competence and his perception of real values a new aristocracy would at once be created and the deadly fact that social consideration varies with the power of purchasing champagne would cease to be a fact our pluto-hetairo-politicocracy would fall in a day but I am only too well aware that such a picture is not likely to be painted we can then only work patiently and in secret we must select suitable material and train it in utmost reverence to these three master-methods or aiding the soul in its genial orgasm this reverent attitude is of an importance which I cannot over-rate normal people find normal relief from any general or special excitement in the sexual act commander marston R.N. whose experiments in the effect of the tom-tom on the married english-woman are classical and conclusive has admirably described how the vague unrest which she at first shows gradually assumes the sexual form and culminates if allowed to do so in shameless masturbation or indecent advances but this is a natural corollary of the proposition that married english-women are usually unacquainted with sexual satisfaction their desires are constantly stimulated by brutal and ignorant husbands and never gratified this fact again accounts for the amazing prevalence of sapphism in london society the hindus warn their pupils against the dangers of breathing exercises indeed the slightest laxness in moral or physical tissues may cause the energy accumulated by the practice to discharge itself by involuntary emission I have known this happen in my own experience it is then of the utmost importance to realize that the relief of the tension is to be found in what the hebrews and the greeks called prophesying and which is better when organized into art the disorderly discharge is mere waste a wilderness of howlings the orderly discharge is a prometheus unbound or a L'age d'airain according to the special aptitudes of the enthused person but it must be remembered that special aptitudes are very easy to acquire if the driving force of enthusiasm be great if you cannot keep the rules of others you make rules of your own one set turns out in the long run to be just as good as another henry rousseau the duanier was laughed at all his life I laughed as heartily as the rest though almost despite myself I kept on saying as the phrase goes that I felt something couldn't say what the moment it occurred to somebody to put up all his paintings in one room by themselves it was instantly apparent that his naivete was the simplicity of a master let no one then imagine that I fail to perceive or underestimate the dangers of employing these methods the occurrence even of so simple a matter as fatigue might change a lasmeninas into a stupid sexual crisis it will be necessary for most englishmen to emulate the self-control of the arabs and hindus whose ideal is to deflower the greatest possible number of virgins eighty is considered a fairly good performance without completing the act it is indeed of the first importance for the celebrant in any phallic rite to be able to complete the act without even once allowing a sexual or sensual thought to invade his mind the mind must be as absolutely detached from one's own body as it is from another person's.
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Of musical instruments few are suitable the human voice is the best and the only one which can be usefully employed in chorus anything like an orchestra implies infinite rehearsal and introduces an atmosphere of artificiality the organ is a worthy solo instrument and is an orchestra in itself while its tone and associations favour the religious idea the violin is the most useful of all for its every mood expresses the hunger for the infinite and yet it is so mobile that it has a greater emotional range than any of its competitors accompaniment must be dispensed with unless a harpist be available the harmonium is a horrible instrument if only because of its associations and the piano is like unto it although if unseen and played by a paderewski it would serve the trumpet and the bell are excellent to startle at the crisis of a ceremony hot drubbing passionate in a different class of ceremony a class more intense and direct but on the whole less exalted the tom-tom stands alone it combines well with the practice of mantra and is the best accompaniment for any sacred dance of sacred dances the most practical for a gathering is the seated dance one sits cross-legged on the floor and sways to and fro from the hips in time with the mantra a solo or duet of dancers as a spectacle rather distracts from this exercise I would suggest a very small and very brilliant light on the floor in the middle of the room such a room is best floored with mosaic marble an ordinary freemason's lodge carpet is not a bad thing the eyes if they see anything at all see then only the rhythmical or mechanical squares leading in perspective to the simple unwinking light the swinging of the body with the mantra which has a habit of rising and falling as if of its own accord in a very weird way becomes more accentuated ultimately a curiously spasmodic stage occurs and then the consciousness flickers and goes out perhaps breaks through into the divine consciousness perhaps is merely recalled to itself by some variable in external impression the above is a very simple description of a very simple and earnest form of ceremony based entirely upon rhythm it is very easy to prepare and its results are usually very encouraging for the beginner wine being a mocker and strong drink raging its use is more likely to lead to trouble than mere music one essential difficulty is dosage one needs exactly enough and as blake points out one can only tell what is enough by taking too much for each man the dose varies enormously so does it for the same man at different times the ceremonial escape from this is to have a noiseless attendant to bear the bowl of libation and present it to each in turn at frequent intervals small doses should be drunk and the bowl passed on taken as the worshipper deems advisable yet the cup-bearer should be an initiate and use his own discretion before presenting the bowl the slightest sign that intoxication is mastering the man should be a sign to him to pass that man this practice can be easily fitted to the ceremony previously described if desired instead of wine the elixir introduced by me to europe may be employed but its results if used in this way have not as yet been thoroughly studied it is my immediate purpose to repair this neglect the sexual excitement which must complete the harmony of method offers a more difficult problem it is exceptionally desirable that the actual bodily movements involved should be decorous in the highest sense and many people are so ill-trained that they will be unable to regard such a ceremony with any but critical or lascivious eyes either would be fatal to all the good already done it is presumably better to wait until all present are greatly exalted before risking a profanation it is not desirable in my opinion that the ordinary worshippers should celebrate in public the sacrifice should be single whether or no ...
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Thus far had I written when the distinguished poet whose conversation with me upon the mysteries had incited me to jot down these few rough notes knocked at my door I told him that I was at work on the ideas suggested by him and that well I was rather stuck he asked permission to glance at the MS. for he reads english fluently though speaking but a few words and having done so kindled and said if you come with me now we will finish your essay glad enough of any excuse to stop working the more plausible the better I hastened to take down my coat and hat by the way he remarked in the automobile I take it that you do not mind giving me the word of rose croix surprised I exchanged the secrets of I.N.R.I. with him and now very excellent and perfect prince he said what follows is under this seal and he gave me the most solemn of all masonic tokens you are about said he to compare your ideal with our real he touched a bell the automobile stopped and we got out he dismissed the chauffeur come he said we have a brisk half-mile we walked through thick woods to an old house where we were greeted in silence by a gentleman who though in court dress wore a very practicable sword on satisfying him we were passed through a corridor to an anteroom where another armed guardian awaited us he after a further examination proceeded to offer me a court dress the insignia of a sovereign prince of rose croix and a garter and mantle the former of green silk the latter of green velvet and lined with cerise silk it is a low mass whispered the guardian in this anteroom were three or four others both ladies and gentlemen busily robing in a third room we found a procession formed and joined it there were twenty-six of us in all passing a final guardian we reached the chapel itself at whose entrance stood a young man and a young woman both dressed in simple robes of white silk embroidered with gold red and blue the former bore a torch of resinous wood the latter sprayed us as we passed with attar of roses from a cup the room in which we now were had at one time been a chapel so much its shape declared but the high altar was covered with a cloth that displayed the rose and cross while above it were ranged seven candelabra each of seven branches the stalls had been retained and at each knight's hand burned a taper of rose-coloured wax and a bouquet of roses was before him in the centre of the nave was a great cross a calvary cross of ten squares measuring say six feet by five painted in red upon a white board at whose edge were rings through which passed gilt staves at each corner was a banner bearing lion bull eagle and man and from the top of their staves sprang a canopy of blue wherein were figured in gold the twelve emblems of the zodiac knights and dames being installed.
Suddenly a bell tinkled in the architrave instantly all rose the doors opened at a trumpet peal from without and a herald advanced followed by the high priest and priestess the high priest was a man of nearly sixty years if I may judge by the white beard but he walked with the springy yet assured step of the thirties the high priestess a proud tall sombre woman of perhaps thirty summers walked by his side their hands raised and touching as in the minuet their trains were borne by the two youths who had admitted us all this while an unseen organ played an introit this ceased as they took their places at the altar they faced west waiting on the closing of the doors the armed guard who was clothed in a scarlet robe instead of green drew his sword and went up and down the aisle chanting exorcisms and swinging the great sword all present drew their swords and faced outward holding the points in front of them this part of the ceremony appeared interminable when it was over the girl and boy reappeared bearing the one a bowl the other a censer singing some litany or other apparently in greek though I could not catch the words they purified and consecrated the chapel now the high priest and high priestess began a litany in rhythmic lines of equal length at each third response they touched hands in a peculiar manner at each seventh they kissed the twenty-first was a complete embrace the bell tinkled in the architrave and they parted the high priest then took from the altar a flask curiously shaped to imitate a phallus the high priestess knelt and presented a boat-shaped cup of gold he knelt opposite her and did not pour from the flask now the knights and dames began a long litany first a dame in treble then a knight in bass then a response in chorus of all present with the organ this chorus was EVOE HO IACCHE EPELTHON EPELTHON EVOE IAO again and again it rose and fell towards its close whether by stage effect or no I could not swear the light over the altar grew rosy then purple the high priest sharply and suddenly threw up his hand instant silence he now poured out the wine from the flask the high priestess gave it to the girl attendant who bore it to all present this was no ordinary wine it has been said of vodki that it looks like water and tastes like fire with this wine the reverse is the case it was of a rich fiery gold in which flames of light danced and shook but its taste was limpid and pure like fresh spring water no sooner had I drunk of it however that I began to tremble it was a most astonishing sensation I can imagine a man feel thus as he awaits his executioner when he has passed through fear and is all excitement I looked down my stall and saw that each was similarly affected.
During the libation the high priestess sang a hymn again in greek this time I recognized the words they were those of an ancient ode to aphrodite the boy attendant now descended to the red cross stooped and kissed it then he danced upon it in such a way that he seemed to be tracing the patterns of a marvellous rose of gold for the percussion caused a shower of bright dust to fall from the canopy meanwhile the litany different words but the same chorus began again this time it was a duet between the high priest and priestess at each chorus knights and dames bowed low the girl moved round continuously and the bowl passed this ended in the exhaustion of the boy who fell fainting on the cross the girl immediately took the bowl and put it to his lips then she raised him and with the assistance of the guardian of the sanctuary led him out of the chapel the bell again tinkled in the architrave the herald blew a fanfare the high priest and high priestess moved stately to each other and embraced in the act unloosing the heavy golden robes which they wore these fell twin lakes of gold I now saw her dressed in a garment of white watered silk lined throughout as it appeared later with ermine the high priest's vestment was an elaborate embroidery of every colour harmonized by exquisite yet robust art he wore also a breastplate corresponding to the canopy a sculptured beast at each corner in gold while the twelve signs of the zodiac were symbolized by the stones of the breastplace the bell tinkled yet again and the herald again sounded his trumpet the celebrants moved hand in hand down the nave while the organ thundered forth its solemn harmonies all the knights and dames rose and gave the secret sign of the rose croix it was at this part of the ceremony that things began to happen to me I became suddenly aware that my body had lost both weight and tactile sensibility my consciousness seemed to be situated no longer in my body I mistook myself if I may use the phrase for one of the stars in the canopy in this way I missed seeing the celebrants actually approach the cross the bell tinkled again I came back to myself and then I saw that the high priestess standing at the foot of the cross had thrown her robe over it so that the cross was no longer visible there was only a board covered with ermine she was now naked but for her coloured and jewelled head-dress and the heavy torque of gold about her neck and the armlets and anklets that matched it she began to sing in a soft strange tongue so low and smoothly that in my partial bewilderment I could not hear all but I caught a few words io paian io pan and a phrase in which the words Iao Sabao ended emphatically a sentence in which I caught the words eros thelema and sebazo while she did this she unloosed the breastplate and gave it to the girl attendant the robe followed I saw that they were naked and unashamed for the first time there was absolute silence now from an hundred jets surrounding the board poured forth a perfumed purple smoke the world was wrapt in a fond gauze of mist sacred as the clouds upon the mountains then at a signal given by the high priest the bell tinkled once more the celebrants stretched out their arms in the form of a cross interlacing their fingers slowly they revolved through three circles and a half she then laid him down upon the cross and took her own appointed place the organ now again rolled forth its solemn music.
I was lost to everything only this I saw that the celebrants made no expected motion the movements were extremely small and yet extremely strong this must have continued for a great length of time to me it seemed as if eternity itself could not contain the variety and depth of my experiences tongue nor pen could record them and yet I am fain to attempt the impossible I was certainly and undoubtedly the star in the canopy this star was an incomprehensibly enormous world of pure flame I suddenly realized that the star was of no size whatever it was not that the star shrank but that it became suddenly conscious of infinite space an explosion took place I was in consequence a point of light infinitely small yet infinitely bright and this point was without position consequently this point was ubiquitous and there was a feeling of infinite bewilderment blinded after a very long time by a gush of infinite rapture I use the word blinded as if under constraint I should have preferred to use the words blotted out or overwhelmed or illuminated this infinite fullness I have not described it as such but it was that was suddenly changed into a feeling of infinite emptiness which became conscious as a yearning these two feelings began to alternate always with suddenness and without in any way overlapping with great rapidity this alternation must have occurred fifty times I had rather have said an hundred the two feelings suddenly became one again the word explosion is the only one that gives any idea of it I now seemed to be conscious of everything at once that it was at the same time one and many I say at once that is I was not successively all things but instantaneously this being if I may call it being seemed to drop into an infinite abyss of nothing while this falling lasted the bell suddenly tinkled three times I instantly became my normal self yet with a constant awareness which has never left me to this hour that the truth of the matter is not this normal I but that which is still dropping into nothing I am assured by those who know that I may be able to take up the thread if I attend another ceremony the tinkle died away the girl attendant ran quickly forward and folded the ermine over the celebrants the herald blew a fanfare and the knights and dames left their stalls advancing to the board we took hold of the gilded carrying poles and followed the herald in procession out of the chapel bearing the litter to a small side-chapel leading out of the middle anteroom where we left it the guard closing the doors in silence we disrobed and left the house about a mile through the woods we found my friend's automobile waiting I asked him if that was a low mass might I not be permitted to witness a high mass perhaps he answered with a curious smile if all they tell of you is true in the meanwhile he permitted me to describe the ceremony and its results as faithfully as I was able charging me only to give no indication of the city near which it took place I am willing to indicate to initiates of the rose croix degree of masonry under proper charter from the genuine authorities for there are spurious masons working under a forged charter the address of a person willing to consider their fitness to affiliate to a chapter practising similar rites I consider it supererogatory to continue my essay on the mysteries and my analysis of energized enthusiasm.